mmm... Dinner...

Fri, 06 May 2005 17:36:55 GMT

Mother of God.

I've tasted fast food heaven, and it was good. Sweet, salty, covered in cheese, it covers all your hamburger bases. Behold:

THE CRISPY McBACON

On the down side, it's a McDonalds, so it's probably made of pure corporate evil or something, and buying it is probably analogous to stopping on a brace of kittens.

So this burger is made of your traditional sesame bun, toasted and delicious. Then there's like this barbequesque sauce, which while tasty is also most likely composed of said corporate evil. Still it's pretty damn good. Not one but two ALL-BEEF patties: okay we all know that they burn down acres of rain forests to get the cheap beef, but seriously, have you ever been to a rain forest? They fucking suck. They're dirty and wet and there's no where to sit down that won't get your ass wet, it's really uncomfortable. I for one would be glad to trade our rainforests for a cheap cattle. Also keep in mind more cows means more leather hence nicer chairs for everyone. Obviously the Crispy (as I like to call him) is chock full of bacon. I think it must be noted that bacon is pretty much the best burger topping ever. It's all like salty and junk, plus I really like it when whatever I'm eating has more than one animal in it. My friend Sarah's mom stuffs their turkey with beef AND pork. Thats a meat trifecta, how rad is that? Finally the whole things it's with a double shot of McCheese, as gooey and rad as you remember. Heh, also it came in one of those neat styrofoam boxes, check it out it's like 1982 and we're all like: "What the fuck is the ozone layer? Someone pass me the spray on cheese."

Okay that's fucking good, but it's not the Holy Grail of convenience eating:

THE ENORMOUS OMELET SANDWICH

Sweet candy Moses look at that thing. Double eggs, double cheese, double bacon. That thing will straight up kill the uninitiated, it's like you have to train for months munching on fistfulls of Sausage McMuffins before you stand a chance. That mother is like the Magnus Magnuson of hot pork injections. Plus you know it'd soak the wrapping clear in 4.7 seconds. Beware.

Skank Bloque

mmm... Dinner...